WTF...

Today was our follow-up appointment at the RE to discuss our failed IVF cycle. More lovingly referred to as a WHAT THE FUCK appointment, as in what the fuck went wrong?

So, when asked the token question our RE simply replied that he doesn't know. Everything about our cycle looked great. My Estrodial level rose perfectly, my lining was think, transfer was easy, etc. His only exception was related to our fertilization rate, which was only 7 of the 15 eggs. He said he would have wanted 9, however the difference of 2 embryos was not that significant. The only negative thing he could really say about our cycle is that we didn't get pregnant.

So, we discussed the possibility of a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in the future. We have one embryo that was frozen and it is a D/A quality. Our clinic defines embryos by 2 grades. The first D means the most expanded and the A means the highest quality. Just for reference, the two embryos we transferred on our fresh cycle were B/B. That means 2nd worst grade for being expanded but 2nd best quality. 

So, our 1 frozen embie is the best one of the whole cycle, which is great because sometimes embryos drop a grade in quality when they thaw, which means we could end up with a D/B.
Anyway, the disappointing news about a possible FET cycle is that embryo's only have a 60-70% chance of surviving the thaw. Meaning we could do 6 weeks of medications and building up hope, only to have the cycle cancelled on transfer day because our grade A embie doesn't survive the thaw.

This is the point in our meeting that reaffirmed to be how crappy this whole IVF cycle can be. Not only did our cycle fail, but now I have one super perfect embie, but if we try and transfer it in the future, we will only have a 60% chance of making it to the actual transfer, then if we make it that far, we will only have a 60% chance that our super perfect embie will implant.

I want to be positive but it sounds like a recipe for disappointment, stress, and heart ache.

So, the recommendation from the RE (which honestly I agree with and appreciate) is that if we move forward then it should be another fresh IVF cycle. He wants to switch from an antagonist cycle and instead do a lupron cycle. The only reason for the switch is because the antagonist cycle didn't work last time. An added bonus of the lupron would maybe be improved egg quality, thereby improving the chances of fertilization. He said the sperm quality could also be contributing to the fertilization rate, but beyond taking calcium and zinc, there is little we can do to improve the sperm any further. Anyway, we would hopefully get pregnant with IVF #2 and then have some embryos left to freeze as well. Then in the future if we ever wanted to do a FET, we could thaw embies from cycle #1 and cycle #2 hopefully giving us at least 2 embies to transfer after the thaw.

That's the basic facts about where we are. It makes sense to me and seems like a rational progression of treatment. It also makes me sad. It disappoints me that we would be starting over yet the results could be the same. I know IVF is always a risk but I just can't help but wonder today if the risk is too high right now.

We aren't going to rush a decision. We are going to pray about it and think about it over the next few weeks. We also have an appointment with a local adoption agency on Monday to discuss a possible home study. I am excited about moving forward and I am thankful that in spite of our BFN disappointment, our marriage is stronger than ever. God is good and I remain faithful that he has a plan for us that will exceed all of our expectations.

jenn

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