Groups are good

Tuesday I went to my first ever support group and I must say that it was good.

I invited Kevan but I admit my invitation was not whole hearted. I told him about the group and he immediately said he would go. I knew he would since he is incredibly wonderful and always supportive. I then asked him to think about it before deciding. I told him that I want him to go if he feels like he needs support, however he does not need to go just to support me. I then told him that although I wanted him there, I did not want him to go if it would make him feel bad or guilty. I think I have touched on this before but my sweet husband feels guilty and bad more often than many other people. He struggles with letting people down, trying to make everyone happy, etc, however these are also some of the reasons that Kevan is such a nice guy. Anyway, I told him that I did not want him to come if it was only going to make him feel badly about things. I warned him that I try not to dwell on our infertility with him or get upset too often, because I know his plate is already full of stress due to his new job. So, if going and watching me get upset or talk about how hard things are would make him feel guilty, then I didn't want him to go. He understood that and he spent the weekend thinking about whether to go. Ultimately, we decided for me to go to the first meeting and check it out, then he could always come to future meetings if he wanted. I felt like this was a good plan going into this uncharted territory. 

Now, I will be the first to say that I was wrong and I should have let my sweet caring husband come without a question. Mainly, I should have let him come because he was willing. I discounted this initially but after attending by myself I see the significance. There was only 1 husband there. Many women discussed their spouses being out of town or unable to come, however many others said that their husbands refused. Now let me stop and say that I do not mean to judge other people's marriages. One thing I learned early on is that I have no idea what is going on in other people's married life and the things that work for them or cause them to fail, are rarely things that I can see. However, in this instance, I left the group being thankful that God has provided me a husband who gives unending support and who would never discount my feelings. Sometimes I take this for granted and I know I need to work on this. Step one in working on this fault will be letting him come to support groups, offer his sympathies, and show his caring side whenever he tries, regardless of whether I think I need it at the time. I know that he offers these things because he loves me and by recognizing them and appreciating them, hopefully he will see how much I appreciate him in my life. 

So, other thoughts from support group #1...

Bottom line it overall was good. I didn't cry but I know I could have if I felt the need. When I left, I felt reassured about my life, not my ability to conceive, but my ability to survive this misery just like everyone else does every day. I know I will go again and I am hopeful that this will be a great place where Kevan and I can gain support as we face this trial together.

jenn