Obligations...

It's been months since I have written and I hardly know what to say. I just haven't been feeling it. Also, I have a bad habit of hating obligations and sometimes blogging feelings like an obligation. I am not sure who I feel obligated to (especially since I have never told anyone about our blog) but it feels like a "have to" not a "want to".

Anyway, things are the same. We have taken wonderful vacations over the past few months but they are plagued by the fact that Kevan is not happy in his job and we feel guilty taking vacations when money isn't overflowing from our accounts. Still, we have enjoyed the time together and made good efforts to focus on our family...that family being he and I.

Tonight we went to the infertility support group again and it was once again a good place to speak our minds. It evoked new conversations once we got home and it helped us to feel like others were in the same boat. I know that this is a helpful place for us to go together. We are also starting to feel more connected to our peers in the group which is nice. After group I was talking to people who discussed "tweeting" as a good avenue for support. They explained that they "follows" other infertile peeps and it is a great place to express immediate frustrations and gain immediate support. Example being...

Infertile peer's tweet : "new parents enjoying their brand new baby a little too much at the coffee shop today, gonna be a tough day"

response from random follower: "girl, don't you worry, you'll get your baby!"

This exchange makes me want to start a twitter account, separate from my regular twitter, just for infertility. It would be a good place for support and it surely won't feel like an obligation is it's only 140 characters!


Finally, I must add that we have made new plans re: our infertility. I have been reading a lot and found a great book titled "The Male Biological Clock". While reading a chapter I saw signs and symptoms that match what Kevan has been experiencing (in addition to s/s of probable prostatitis and a varicocele) . They are not exact, but close, and they fall under the category of "blocked ejaculatory duct". Although I do not pretend that with one book I can diagnosis my spouse, however it did help me find renewed hope and motivation. So, I have been continuing to do more research which has led me to a MD in Knoxville who is recommended by many urology websites as a great MD for dealing with male factor infertility. My biggest hope and prayer is that he will be a doctor who is interested in treating the problem, not just a doctor who wants to help us have children. So, we have an appointment at the end of the month and maybe after this specialist I will at least feel like our concerns have been heard and addressed.

Till then, maybe look for me on twitter....@emptytummy

jenn